Betty ford says i'm here all night
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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