i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
