she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
