Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
