That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
