Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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