I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
