Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
