The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
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