wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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