so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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