So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
