It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
