Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
