Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
