Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
