If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
