I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
