Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Naked Twister starts at high noon
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
