I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
