Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
