I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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