Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
