Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
