i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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