Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
