i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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