Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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