just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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