Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
When are your genitals available?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
