Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
