I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Randomize
