the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
