he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
