i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
