Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
