i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
