Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
