summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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