when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
