i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
