I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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