i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
