She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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