new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
