respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
