Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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