you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
