I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
