i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
