I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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